he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
