Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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