sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
