I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
