Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
