i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
