I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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