i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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