Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
