you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am available for nakedness
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
