Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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