I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
