i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
