just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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