True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
