im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
