I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
