I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
