we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
