Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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