We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
