Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
