I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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