singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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