we have officially lost it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
