Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
