The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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