just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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