Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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