thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk is not a location!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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