i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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