Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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