My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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