you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the day after is always just damage control
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
