Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
