There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
