...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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