so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
