Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
