I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
