Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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