Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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