im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
