Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
