Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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