When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
