remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
