you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
