we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
