glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
