I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
