You really coming over, don't trick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
