Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
