you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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