I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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