you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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