This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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