Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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