A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
