You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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