plz talk dirty to me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
