I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
