I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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