my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
