Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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