I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
